So drunk its hurt
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
