need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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