i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
