The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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