Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
