Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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