Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
