I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
