We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
