yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
