Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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