he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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