I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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