I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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