At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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