I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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