next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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