And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
