well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
