wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
