So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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