saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
