You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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