I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
