I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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