sarcasm needs its own font
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
