he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
