i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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