why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
