my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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