I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
