Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Such a big mess for such a small penis
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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