do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
