is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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