My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
