Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
