i can't believe i had my finger in that
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
