i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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