Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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