actually, I'm a sock model
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
