you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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