Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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