this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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