Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
