does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im part way to drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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