Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
