she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
