Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
