How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
