nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
