I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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