Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's on the porch naked. Help.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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